Death

There once was an extremely powerful monarch, who was wealthy and spendid beyond compare. He was a beautiful man who dressed in silk clothes. He had a stable of the swiftest Arabian steeds and the fiercest mamelukes around. He was incredibly vain and when death came to humbly ask him to accompany him, he blew death off. He told death to leave the premise or he would send his mamelukes and physicians to oust him. Death was not pleased by this and bided his time. He waited until the sultan was in full procession in front of all his people to kill him in the most humiliating and painfull fall from his horse.
The next day death had to take an impoverished religious man. The man only asked that he be allowed to pray before death took him. Death agreed to his wish and waited until the man was finished before taking him gently to the other side.

Kamar al Hazman



Kamar al Hazman was an inparticularly beautiful man and the only son of a very powerful sultan. All of the women of the palace adored him, but he was not interested in any of them. As he was a devoted scholar and didn't want to be sullied and distracted by the opposite sex. This disturbed his father immensly, as he was worried about the propagation of the line, and he had the son locked away until he agree to marry somebody. Well while he was locked up a passing jinnee happened to see him and was amazed by his beauty. Latter when he met with two of his friends he expounded upon how he had seen the most beautiful human in existence. One of his friends contradicted him and said "Fie, that's not possible the most beautiful human in the world lives over there and is a woman." An argument ensued, and it was agreed that they should just go check out both the humans together and let the third party of their group decide.
So they went out to the far orient to find Budr, the daughter of a powerful king with snow white skin and breasts like globes, they snatched her up and carried her over to where Kamar was sleeping. After much hemming and hawing the third party decided that they weren't sure who was the more beautiful of the two. So they decided to try waking one and leaving the other asleep. In that way they would be able to decide based upon the difference between their reactions. First they woke Kamar, his eyes opened wide and he proceeded to kiss and grope her trying to wake her up. Then the jinnees put him to sleep. They conversed a little, and then they woke up Budr, who proceed to stradle Kamar and tried desperately to wake him up. The jinnee then put Budr back to sleep, and came to the conclusion that they were equally beautiful. They took Budr back to her home far, far away.
When Kamar awoke he remembered Budr quite clearly, and was desperate to find her. He asked around and asked around, but no one knew who she was and everyone thought that he was insane. Similarly when Budr woke up she was desperate to find Kamar, and when her old serving woman tried to detain her in her search, she cut her in half with a sword. Subsequently her father had her chained in her room.
Things looked bleak for the pair, but Budr's brother believed his sister, and decided to go find him for her. Eventually he came to Kamar's city and he heard his story, and he realized that it must be Kamar. He contrived to get a message to Kamar and helped him escape from his palacial prison.
Kamar travelled over mountains and seas to get to Budr. When Budr realized who he was and that he was just right there out of her reach, she broke her chains. Her father agreed to their marriage and gave them a huge caravan for their journey back to Kamar's city. Things did not go quite so well on the journey back. Kamar got lost and ended up on a small remote island.
Budr when she realized that he was gone disguised herself as a man in order to protect herself, and made her way to the nearest city. Her disguise was quite good and fooled the local sultan, who decided to marry Budr to his daughter. Budr wasn't quite sure how to deal with this situation, but decided that the best thing to do was just go with the flow and marrry the girl. On their wedding night the princess was quite understanding about the fact that Budr was actually a woman, and they made do.
The Sultan quite liked Budr and entrusted him/her with a great deal of authority in his city, and she began to hear petitions. One day it just so happened that a rather bedraggled and newly escaped Kamar came to see her. He didn't recognize her, so she decided to mess with him a little bit. She started coming on to him, and told him that if he didn't sleep with him/her he would be thrown out and tortured. Budr argued that he was still young and had plenty of time to do penance for that sin, and demanded that he take off his pants. Poor Kamar was so horrified, but with tear filled eyes obligingly took off his pants. Budr told him what a fine good man he was and took off her pants, which calmed Kamar down dramatically, and he was elated when he realized it was none other than Budr.
Budr filled him in on the details of what was going on, and said that she quite liked the princess. In fact she told him that she wanted him to marry her, too. Things were straightened out and the three continued on their way to Kamar's home. They lived happily ever after until the great sunderer turned them all to dust.

Qut al Qub

This is my favorite of the Nights stories. Qut al Qub was concubine to the sultan, and she was his favorite above all others. She was extremely well educated and interested in science, and she was extremely envied. One day the Sultan's wife came up with a plot to dispose of her competition while the sultan was away. She had a wooden sculpture made and painted to look just like her, and snuck Qut al Qub some sleeping potion. She was scared to kill her outright, so she had Qut al Qub placed in a coffin with the orders to take her to the cemetery and bury her alive.
The servants did as instructed, although at the cemetery they kept talking about how it was a shame to bury such a treasure. Unknown to them they were overheard by a foreign merchant. Said merchant had become lost while fleeing from a riot, and was trying to find his way out of the cemetery when he overheard and saw the servants. He followed his gut instinct and hid. He heard their conversation about the treasure inside the coffin, and when the servants went off to deal with the riot. He snuck over to the coffin and opened it.
Inside the coffin lay Qut al Qub and he was amazed by her beauty. He also noticed that she was still alive. He picked her up and through many wrong turns and dead ends got her back to his place. He was able to revive her, and she was very grate full and rather randy, but it was at that moment that he noticed something. Written on the drawstrings of her pants was the Sultan's name proclaiming her as his. Meanwhile the Sultan returns only to be told that Qut al Qub was dead from virulent and deadly disease, and from a distance he watched them burn the mannequin.
He backed off, and placed a sword between them in his bed. They continued in this way for a number of days, until information of her whereabouts was linked to the Sultan. Soldiers were sent and the two were brought before him. The Sultan could not believe that the merchant had not touched her, so the merchant was tortured, his goods taken, and he was exiled. Qut al Qub was returned to her place in the harem, but she was not happy.
Eventually she could no longer take it, and she went out in search of him. She searched and she looked; until eventually she found him wasting away from his wounds. She was able to heal him with her skills, but again the Sultan's mamelukes were not far behind. They again were brought before the Sultan, but this time compassion was shown and a deal was struck. Qut al Qub was allowed to marry the merchant, and the Sultan decided to execute his wife and marry the merchant's beautiful sister. They all lived happily ever after until the great sunderer turned them all to dust.

Sinbad the Seaman and Sinbad the Landsman

Sinbad the Landsman was a porter, and he spent his long days carrying other people's things around for them. One day he had an especially heavy load, which lead him to a beautiul mansion. Inside a massive orgy was underway; eventually he was beckoned over by a very well dressed man, who asked him for his name. He told him, and the man with delight exclaimed that his name was also Sinbad. He then told Sinbad the Landsman to stay and eat as much as he wanted, and when he went to leave the wealthy Sinbad gave him two pocket fulls and a half of shekalim and told him to come back the next day. The End.

The Jewish Doctor's Story

This is the story that the Jewish doctor from the Tale of the Hunchback told to appease the Sultan and Hunchback.
He was treating a young man, who confided this story to him. The young man was out and about in the streets one day when he ran into a young and attractive woman. The woman quite liked him and they ended up going to bed together. The young man was quite happy with the situation and considered himself very lucky. She dumbfounded him one day though when she told him that there was younger fairer girl she would like to introduce into their games.

She was true to her word the next day he was met by the woman and the younger girl, and she lived up to every expectation. He slept with the younger girl and he went to sleep thinking he was a lucky man. Things were not quite right with the woman, though, she was jealous.
When he woke up the next day he awoke to a bloody bed, the girl next to him had been cut to pieces. He looked for the woman, who was sobbing hysterically, and confessed that the girl had been her younger sister. The young man cleaned up the mess and buried the body of the young girl under the flagstones of the courtyard. He was horrified about what to do and scared the death would be pinned on him, so he went to talk to his doctor.



How Abu Hassan Broke Wind

Abu Hassan was a fairly well to do widower, he was still fairly young and all of his friends and family wanted him to remarry. Eventually he decided to comply with their wishes, and elaborate and elegant wedding was planned. Towards the end of the ceremony however when he had to bow he let loose with the loudest most horrendous fart ever heard on the planet. There was dead silence in the room and he ran out in humiliation. He ran and he ran until he ended up in a kingdom several kingdoms over. He was quite successful there and quickly amassed a new fortune, but he was homesick. Finally after seven years away from his home he decided to return. He walked along the familiar roads until finally he happened to come across an old woman and young girl were talking. The old woman was telling the girl how she was born the year Abu Hassan farted. When Abu Hassan heard that he quickly turned around back to his new home and never returned.

The Merchant and the Two Thieves

A merchant about sally forth on a business trip with his wares across the desert hired on two extra hands. Unbeknownst to him, both were thieves. They however caught on to each other very quickly. They confronted with one and other and came up with a devious plan to kill the merchant and steal his goods, but each had also devised a plan to double cross the other with poison. They exchanged their poisoned bread and water, which they both promptly ate and both promptly died. When the merchant saw this he took their stuff and proceeded on his way.

Listen to your Wife

This is actually a few stories roled into one. A thief stole some stuff and then sold it to a local merchant at cut throat rates. The merchant then sold it at a good profit. One day he left some stolen merchandize at home and his wife found it. She realized what it was, and yelled at him to stop selling stolen merchandise. He didn't listen and went out with his ill gotten goods. He was promptly picked up by the police and summarily executed.

The Prince and the Ogress

One day a handsome and astounding prince went out riding. He was prancing along the road when there appeared a great beauty along the side of the road. She was in distress and wanted a lift. So he pulled her up behind him and went clippity clopping along. Eventually she told him she needed a bathroom break, so he let her back down. He waited, and he waited, and he waited. Finally he decided he should probably go look for her, so he traipsed off in her general direction.
To his horror she was no longer beautiful, but instead was a hideous ogress, and she had children. She was explaining to them how she had found a nice young man to eat (in a bad way), and that supper would be on soon. This did not sit well with the prince, so he drew his simitar and killed them. He went back to his horse and road off.

Concerning Birds and Beasts

This is a remarkably frightening story to persons such as myself...A poor inocent and defenseless lion was walking along one day when it came upon a hole. Inside the hole a man was hammering away on some boards. The lion stopped and asked what he was working on. The man replied that she should wait for around for a little bit, and she would find out. She waited until a small box had formed from his hammering, and he told her that it was a bed that he would like her to try out for him. She jumped down into the box and when she did he slammed the lid down on her and nailed it shut. He then jumped out of the hole and proceeded to shovel dirt into it.

The Thief of Alexandria

This one is a combination of a few different stories again. A local thief stole a purse brimming with gold and thought he was in the clear when he got picked up. The official however was rather curious as to how the thief had managed to steal the purse, so the thief obligingly instructed the official to put the purse on just so. The thief then grabbed the purse and made a mad dash for the water. Where he dove in and swam away to freedom. This is my you can do it print.

The Rape of Al-Datma

Al-Datma was one of the fearsest fighters of her time, and she had set a challenge to her suitors, to beat her in combat. None of them were able to do it, until one fellow took it into his head that she had cheated. At one point in her fight with him she had raised her visor and he was so distracted by her beautiful face that he lost. This thought irritated him so he hatched a plan. He disguised himself as an old man and settled himself in the palace garden. Where he dolled out gems to Al-Datma's female servants. Al-Datma eventually heard through them about him, and decided to see if he would give her anything. When she got close enough he ripped off his disguise and raped her. Al-Datma was so ashamed that she agreed to marry him.

The Hunchback


There once was a hunchback who was the talk of the town, everybody loved him, and he was one of the Sultan's favorites. One night he was invited over for dinner at a newly married couples house, and he was very entertaining. The night did not end well, though. He choked on a fish bone and died. The couple panicked and did not want to be blamed for his death, so they decided to deposit him in their neighbor's place, a Jewish doctor. They pushed him in through an open window and went back home.
When the Jewish doctor came home he tripped over the body and knocked it down the stairs, so he thought he had killed him. He also panicked, and became afraid for his family, so he too hatched a plan to get rid of the body. He took him down the road and popped him over the fence of some rather slovenly people, who did not take good care of their yard and had all sorts of rats and cats running about.
When the owner came back he hit the hunchback rather hard in the head with the door. He panicked thinking that he had killed the hunchback, and decided he needed to hide the body. This fellow was a little bit different from the other fellows, he figured the best place was in plain site, so he propped him up along the street against a wall.
Well eventually a severly inebriated fellow came by to take a leak on the wall. He thought the hunchback was some perv trying to watch him pee, so he punched him as hard as he could. The hunchback fell over, and then the drunk got scared and realized he was dead. He started to struggle with the body when a palace mameluke came shambling by. They promptly arrested the man and took him to the sultan.
The next day there was a public hearing for the man, where he told his story. Before he could finish though the slovenly man stepped forward and confessed that he had actually killed the hunchback. He then started into his story, but before he finished the Jewish doctor came forward and confessed to the deed. He started to explain how he had accidently knocked him down the stairs when the married couple came forward and confessed that he had choked on a fish bone at their house. The royal physician was called in and sure enough there was the fish bone. The sultan decided that the husband must die because clearly the wife was his responsibility, even if it was her fault. Meanwhile the physician had removed the bone and was rubbing salve on the hunchback's throat and wounds. A little while latter the hunchback woke up a little dazed and cranky, but alive. Each of the people to atone for their deeds were recquired to tell the sultan and hunchback a story. The execution was cancelled, and everybody went their seperate ways until the great sunderer finally truly came for all of them.